I was no longer a fragment of the universe. I was the universe.
Jim Carrey
If you have ever listened to Eckhart Tolle’s talks or read his books, then you’ll have some idea about the dissolution of the self. Alan Watts has also talked about this, as did Jung, Freud, and many more. We call it ego death.
As humans, we experience life as ‘you’ and ‘me’, ‘I’ and ‘we’. Things will happen to ‘us’. To say it’s an illusion alludes to the fact that someone is experiencing such an illusion in the first place. But, if there is no ‘self’, then who is experiencing the illusion? I’m talking about the ego.
Meditation can lead you to experience oneness with the universe. I must admit, my meditation habits are lackluster at best. Thankfully psychedelics can also invoke strong sensations of oneness with the universe. Regardless of how you get there, you will feel a sense of separation from the self, and during a trip or meditation this state of mind can be significantly profound.
There are cases, however, where this sense of detachment from the self occurs long after a meditation session or psychedelic trip. It’s nothing to worry about, and no wonder it happens after such a profound experience. Your mind has opened to possibilities you could never imagine, and your subconscious processes this for months to come. On the other hand, the ‘self’ or ego is fighting back.
This doesn’t always happen, but if it does I urge you not to panic. Use moments of conflict to write in your journal, and if you don’t currently write in a journal, then start doing so. It was that very practice that led to the creation of The Psy Daily.
When ‘ego-death’ Persists and Interferes with Daily Life
If you feel psychological torment from the ebb and flow of your ego surfacing and sinking back into the depths of your mind, then you are experiencing the dissolution of the self. I don’t like to call this ‘ego death’, since that is more attributed some what happens during a psychedelic trip, not afterwards.
When it interferes with daily life, you need to start taking part of activities that help you become more grounded. I’d even suggest laying off the meditation sessions for a week or so, and instead go outside, take a walk with friends or family, go for dinner, go for a swim. Activities likes these, especially around other people will help ground you. It may even take a couple of weeks, but it’s still an important part of the process as you absorb this new sense of being. Oneness with the universe.
Photo by Roberto Nickson
If you try to give up your ego with your ego, it will take you to the end of time.
Alan Watts
Alan Watts also said we should let go of ourselves. I try to do this my embracing nature, it helps heal the ego from the profound experience you just thrust upon it.
He also said “You’re only making a mess by trying to put things straight. They’re trying to straighten our a wiggly world, and no wonder you are in trouble.” He continued with the notion of coming to a dead-end. “What now?”
You may also start to develop a desire for more freedom in life. If you are young, then congratulations, you can use this insight to start making choices now for a better future. If you are a middle-aged man, then don’t fret. You’ve lived within the means of your consciousness, and that brought you here to this very realization. It’s not too late! Sure, you can’t go back to high school and make different choices, but you should realize the there is no past or future, you are what you are. Embrace it!
This desire to be free of the daily struggle (rat race) presents itself mostly our day jobs or chosen career path. I have found myself getting quite annoyed and stressed having to do ‘work’ for somebody else, when I’d rather be outside with my family, or writing! But then, this is just the ego fighting back, craving for more time to do whatever activity is on our mind.
As the wind blows the leaves on the tree, my lungs inflate with air. It’s all happening. Try to understand that the work you do, whether it is for someone else, or for your own creative passion, is also just ‘happening’.
Alan Watts
